Some delightful late January spam


I got a couple of fun emails this morning. Here’s one perporting to be from a Garth Evans in 12px Verdana:

Hello, This is a brief but sharp-toned letter about how the reader can use your material. If you want to.

And that’s it. It’s a shame, I was looking forward to being sharply-toned.

Here’s a style of message from Amy that I get on a weekly basis, staying on the theme of using material. I replaced the tech with $BLAH, given the surrounding language changes so little with each of these:

Hi Ruben, I noticed you’ve shared $BLAH, as you might be aware, $BLAH announced at $TIME that it would be shutting down. We’ve put together a guide to the best alternatives. Here’s the link. Perhaps you could update your page to include a link to our guide so that anyone still interested in $BLAH has an alternative.

As an aside, is a phrase with three words. It also says a lot when we’re used to things just shutting down. I used to self-host because I love tinerking with FreeBSD and NetBSD servers; now I do it as an act of self-preservation.

Here’s one from Adrian that’s definitely formatted properly so as to be taken seriously:

We noticed that you run a nice blog at .Apps4Rent would like to sponsor a post on your blog. We are willing to pay a onetime fee to insert a Marketing message in one of your existing posts. An example message is: “Two useful technologies for working from anywhere – Cloud Desktop and Cloud SharePoint.”, with two dofollow links going to our websites.

Here’s one where they spelled my name correctly:

Dear Email User, Your email address has been selected as one of our lucky winners, see attcachment for details.

Gesundheit! And finally, someone claiming to be called Olga who’s after men over forty—sorry Olga—had this delightful footer:

This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.

Well, that’s a relief.

Author bio and support


Ruben Schade is a technical writer and infrastructure architect in Sydney, Australia who refers to himself in the third person. Hi!

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