I’m relieved that...


I was in a bit of a weird mood this afternoon, so decided to make note of various things I’m relived of. Specifically, I’m relieved that:

  • … I don’t sneeze out my ears, or I’d have to apologise to people on both sides.

  • … I don’t have to drink battery acid under the justification that it’s healthy; it tastes and smells revolting.

  • … I’m not racist, then have to make excuses about how some of my best friends are of a certain ethnicity.

  • … a plunger, a bit of filter paper, and a specific kind of powdered bean are all that are necessary to make the world’s best beverage.

  • … spices are still considered healthy, given we can’t eat bread and rice now.

  • … people can be excited for things, even if they’d bore me.

  • … most doors have handles along their edge, to afford us maximum leverage.

  • … bagels only have one hole for filling to fall out of.

  • … I don’t care about matching socks.

  • … I’m not currently stuck in a tree, or underground in a bus covered in concrete or an impermeable slab of stale cheese.

  • … I can be.

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Ruben Schade is a technical writer and infrastructure architect in Sydney, Australia who refers to himself in the third person. Hi!

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