Rubenerd

I was in a bit of a weird mood this afternoon, so decided to make note of various things I’m relived of. Specifically, I’m relieved that:

• … I don’t sneeze out my ears, or I’d have to apologise to people on both sides.

• … I don’t have to drink battery acid under the justification that it’s healthy; it tastes and smells revolting.

• … I’m not racist, then have to make excuses about how some of my best friends are of a certain ethnicity.

• … a plunger, a bit of filter paper, and a specific kind of powdered bean are all that are necessary to make the world’s best beverage.

• … spices are still considered healthy, given we can’t eat bread and rice now.

• … people can be excited for things, even if they’d bore me.

• … most doors have handles along their edge, to afford us maximum leverage.

• … bagels only have one hole for filling to fall out of.

• … I don’t care about matching socks.

• … I’m not currently stuck in a tree, or underground in a bus covered in concrete or an impermeable slab of stale cheese.

• … I can be.