Rubenerd

With the Australian federal elections less than a week away, I decided to plot on a handy table the positions of the leading two parties and their leaders that matter to me. This way I can make a more informed decision, and ultimately help others.

By my definition, plan is shorthand for comprehensive plan. This means they’ve made them public, debated them and have a clear direction backed up with these trifling things called "facts". If they do have a good plan but it contradicts something else they stand for, I reduce it to a nah.

Candidate for Prime Minister	Julia Gillard	Tony Abbott
Political party	Labor	The Coalition
Position (officially)	Centre left	Centre right
Position (probably)	Centre right	Far right
What to do	Nothing!	Go backwards!
Grown up immigration position	Nah	Nah
Plan for IT, communications	Nah	Nah
Plan for public transport	Nah	Nah
Plan for higher education	Nah	Nah
Plan for environment, energy	Nah	Science-what?
Supports equal marriage rights	Nah	Nah
Represent us well globally	Nah	Nah
No juvenile attack attacks	Nah	Nah
Returned any of my emails	Nah	Nah
Has double letters in name	Yup	Yup
Stepped over	Rudd	Turnbull
Would make a good laksa	Maybe?	What’s Asia?

I’ll be voting for the Greens, but I must be frank and admit it’s mostly because the two biggest parties are such a joke now. I watched two of their debates. I’ve been watching the news. If I hear one more mention of so-called "boat people", I’ll scream.

Ideally I’d like Labor to get back in, but with a much reduced mandate to govern. Let them know we’re not happy with their performance, and we only kept them in because they scare us less than someone who’d like to set women’s causes and progress back 50 years.

Then again that’s just me. This whole mandatory internet filter talk made me come this close to voting for Liberal for the first time, no joke! Eh, I’m depressed, I’m off for a coffee. Wait, I’m already at a coffee shop. Time for another one then.