Friday fanmail: Business builder


It’s not even close to being Friday now! But have this draft anyway.

Clear icon from the Tango Desktop Project

Dear Business Builder,

I’m getting in contact with you from an Australian based Digital marketing company that specialises in helping local businesses to get more leads and sales from their website. I found your contact details by doing a Google search and found you’re not ranking in Google’s 1st page for the search terms that you need to be ranking for! I’d be happy to send you a “Pay on Performance” proposal using the top search phrases for your area and expertise. Please email back for full Proposal.

They always follow a pattern by:

  • spelling first 1st;
  • quantifying phrases like “Pay on Performance” with quotes;
  • fluffing with ambiguous words like your area of expertise;
  • making a big deal of being Australian based, suuuure; and
  • sprinkling with random Capitalised words; are spammers German?

The good news is we can spam filter based on these.

Author bio and support


Ruben Schade is a technical writer and infrastructure architect in Sydney, Australia who refers to himself in the third person. Hi!

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