Rubenerd

Matt Holden’s list of terrible Australian café trends for the Sydney Morning Herald and the Age was so good, I’m brushing off my HTML definition lists instead of using Markdown.

Milkshakes with stuff on top

Strongly agree. Cut that out.

Doughnuts

Neutral. I like them, but Krispy Kreme and their ilk have tainted them.

Sliders

Mildly agree. I liked these for their kitch American diner value at Billy Bombers, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they've been abused to sell less food.

Tumeric lattes

Strongly agree. Dear god, why?

Flowers in everything

Mildly agree. As Matt posits, this is probably to do with sweet, sweet Instagram marketing. I did used to like rose sauce on salmon though, that was amazing.

Kale in everything

Strongly agree. Kale isn't as bad as everyone says. It's worse.

Superfood salads

Strongly agree. Quinoa is lovely in breakfast porridge, but psudo-science doesn't belong anywhere, not least salad.

Pulled pork

Mildly agree. Okay I did used to really like this. Most of what people sell it as barely qualifies though.

Coffee in wine glasses

Neutral. If only because I may have done this once. But coffee definitely belongs in a mug, and nothing else.

Hybrid pastries

Mildly agree. Cronuts are amazing, but I'm not really sure how they're supposed to taste like a croissant.