Having just risen with a hot cup of coffee and the chirping of birds, I heard the postie coming and rushed outside in my fluffy slippers to see what it was. For the first time I got something from eBay that I didn't order, or at least I don't remember ordering!

My fluffy slippers are purple

Upon arriving at the aformentioned letterbox, I opened it up to find an envelope addressed to a "Ruben Schade". Given this person had the same name as me, I decided it was appropriate for me to take ownership of it, and to open it.

I was expecting a Marian Call poster, or a new anime figure from a good friend of mine in Japan, or some academic records, or perhaps even a bill, but it wasn't. Well, I knew it couldn't have been a poster or anime figure, unless they'd folded it or steamrolled it, respectivelt.

The envelope bore no markings of whom it was from. The return address was a non descript post office box in Melbourne, a city south of Sydney and Canberra with no discernible landmarks of any international importance.

So what was inside? Huh? HUH?

Inside was a pamphlet from eBay Australia:

Posting your eBay items is now easier than ever

Shipping matters, and we want you to succeed. Which is why we’re shipping you this 500g flat-rate satchel. It’s specially designed to make selling on eBay cheaper, simpler and, best of all, trackable.

So login to clickandsend.com.au and discover how simple selling on eBay can be.

Sure enough, wrapped around it was an Australia Post satchel thingy, those bags made out of that stretcy, non-biodegradable plastic stuff.

I'm flattered that they'd send me a freebie like this but… why? Did they send these to every eBay Australia seller, or to a select few? I do sell things, but certainly nothing exciting in either value or volume, and most of it was in Singapore which has nothing to do with Australian eBay other than in name and parent company. I suspect I could find out if I went to the eBay Australia website, but its already late and I want to sleep.

Wait, hold on!

I figured it out! I know why they sent it to me: so that I would be a schmuck and talk about it! Online advertising for the cost of a satchel… touché eBay. Wow, that rhymed so well! Here, let me try to make that into a song:

Touché…
eBay…
You send sachel my way…
Touché…
eBay…
Hey hey hey hey hey HEY!

And that — ladies, gentleman and everyone else — is why I'm not a musician.