Rubénerd!

In the future
Everybody will be famous anonymous
For 15 minutes

A migraine today made me think. This is never a good sign!

After a surprising and welcome dearth of the ghastly things, I had another of the Family Migraines this afternoon. Both dad and mum suffer[ed] from them terribly, so my genetics didn't offer me any escape from either chromosome! My mum colourfully referred to hers as a vice slowly gripping and crushing her skull; my dad described the sensation of seeing a kaleidoscope across his eyes before finally blacking out. Mine could be best described as a kaleidoscope in a vice, surprising though it may seem.

Lying on my bed this afternoon with a cold compress on my forehead and several layers of quilts, I got to thinking about a lot of things. As is the case with insomnia, thinking when you have a headache is bad enough let alone when you have a migraine, so I attempted several things to calm my mind down. Concentrating on my breathing, making sure to take breaths deep down near the diaphragm rather than having my stomach rise and fall. Despite the freezing weather, I tend to have a fan gently blowing away from me next to the bed for whitenose (a necessity of growing up in an Asian city where whitenose is everywhere!), so once I got my breathing under control I focused on that.

Initially I was angry and scared that a precious day before exams and assignments are due was being wasted, but those five hours or so just lying there in a state of forced meditation calmed me down. It also helped to put my current worries into perspective a bit.

I realised worrying about whether recovering from a migraine was going to affect uni work... was utterly pointless. In fact beyond pointless, it was detrimental! If I was worried about the work I wasn't doing, that would only fuel the pain and prolong it. A vicious cycle of fail!

We've all had to endure different levels and types of worrying at some point in our lives. Some are more primal and necessary for survival in the here and now, some are existential. I worry that things back in Singapore change so fast than when I finally go back there I won't recognise it. That I'll finish my major only to discover my ideal career path needs something else. That I don't have someone to fall asleep next to. That coffee will be discovered to contain a long-term negative neurolytic agent that affects those who stare at LCDs in humid climates. That I'm lonely, and scared. That I'll be disappointing my young self who first stared at a blinking DOS cursor and tried to imagine all the things he could be with those machines. That my shy awkwardness will only get worse over time, not better. That I'm worrying too much, or not enough, or about the right things, or the wrong things. That The Bird might not be The Word.

I loathe the term "at the end of the day", but in this rare circumstance it fits. At the end of the day, if we're lucky enough to be able to lay our heads on pillows and dream, worrying doesn't accomplish anything. It's pointless to anything we want to do. In fact beyond pointless, it's detrimental. So there's no point doing it ^^.

It's just funny that I only remind myself of this when I have a migraine. Tomorrow, I'll probably forget again.

ARGH! Why can't the same software run on everything?!

Of course as developers we know why (the lowest common denominator problem, patents, turf wars), and can point out failed attempts to change this (*cough* Java), but sometimes it helps to see a less technically proficient user's take on what we've developed as software folk.

I suppose that's where web applications have the potential to shine, provided we move enough people onto standards compliant browsers. I very much doubt we'll ever have a consensus on a standardised desktop API, though I suppose Win32 came awfully close with a de facto one ;).

Food poising is not fun in the slightest, but fortunately by using a combination of soothing music and Tiger Balm my headache as of a few hours ago is completely gone. Mary Wallace and my GP suggested I eat bread, rice, apples and toast of which I'm eating right now. Provided I don't get out of this computer chair and don't eat too quickly I think I'll be fine.

With that in mind, I thought I'd share another quote, this time from the FreeBSD forums:

the daemon you know is better than the penguin you don't.
~ danger@

He's referring of course to BSD (the daemon) and Linux (the pengiun).

Reminds me of another similar quote by someone who I can't recall right now who said [paraphrasing] the best programming language for a job is the programming language you're best at and enjoy.

I've been learning a new programming language and a new OS to keep my mind sharp while I'm on holidays, you'll see the reviews of these in upcoming days. Ironically I started learning these because I thought I needed to broaden my horizons and get out of my FreeBSD, Mac, Ruby and Perl comfort zone. Those two quotes above pretty much shoot that down in flames don't they? I don't mind though, I still find them fascinating.

Without sounding too cheesy, I love learning new things, or using old things in new ways. It's one of the greatest pleasures in life.